Sitting, waiting, and wishing

Hello, heart.  How are you, today?

I've always wanted to be in med school.  One of my great dreams is to become a surgeon.  It was in college when it dawned on me that I wanted to become a cardio-thoracic surgeon.


Somehow, lodged somewhere in my subconscious, is the knowledge that I might be of help to those whose hearts are broken.  Battle-scarred, but functioning.  




And maybe, in that process, I'd get to stitch up my own heart. 


So here goes another rambling by the girl who wears rose-colored glasses.

One of my favorite songs whenever we sing in church is the song "Cast Thy Burden".  I've always loved the mellow feel of the song, somewhat like a serenade.  But the meaning has been totally lost for me, since it was overshadowed by the melody.  Only then did I appreciate the song more.  The meaning dawned on me just these past few days, when I served in the annual Singles Encounter here in Bacolod.

I've always been a worry-wart and the fact that only a few of us were to serve for this year made me worry all the more.  Being part of the Praise Ministry, it was an added problem that we were only a handful.  I used to stay up late at night thinking what could be done in order to make things easier but it only burdened me all the more.  Even the entire working team was undermanned and this unnerved a lot of people, myself included.  If we were to have a bountiful harvest, why did God permit us to be undermanned?

But then, God works in mysterious ways. This was all part of His plan.  In our weakness and vulnerability, God showed His power.  All we had to do was to trust in Him.  He truly equips those who trust in Him.  When we thought that God would be blessing the candidates, He blessed the working team as well. As for the Praise, who would have thought that He would send us His holy angels to sing with us, as well as play instruments? He made it possible for oceans to part, so why did I worry about the weekend?

I have to admit, I've cried more this weekend compared to any other weekend that I've served back in my YE days and last year's SE.  God has made a lot of things possible through this weekend.  It shames me that I had so little faith in Him.  I forgot that this weekend was for Him and not for my glory.  Listening to the song Cast Thy Burden made me realize that I had nothing to worry about.  It was all part of His plan.  Making us short of people made it possible for Him to work more visibly.  He even sent his holy angels to sing and play with us while we were singing.  This promptly brought me into tears and it shook me to the very core that I ever doubted His capacity.  Only when I finally surrendered all of my concerns to Him did He show His power.

Lord, thank You. I love You :)

Cast Thy Burden
Cast thy burden upon the Lord
And He shall sustain thee
He shall never suffer the righteous to be moved
As for me, I will call upon God
And the Lord will save me
Evening and morning and at noon will I pray and cry aloud
He shall hear my voice

One of the most annoying things on earth would have to be the whiteheads and the blackheads on people's faces.  And most especially when they're on your nose!  They could be very disgusting to look at.

The Bench charcoal strips.. (The blue ones don't work as well as these babies!)

I've always used Bench's Charcoal Pore Strips, but they're a bit too costly nowadays (26 pesos, last time I checked).  And it's kind of cumbersome when I run out of these as I have to go to the nearest mall just to purchase them. I live in Talisay, which is around 10-15 minutes away from Bacolod, where all the malls are, so I think you get my point.






During one of my constant YouTube wanderings, I stumbled across this incredible video by Michelle Phan. The video was a tutorial about how to make your own nose strips.

And I have to say, THEY'RE INCREDIBLE!! She only uses 2 ingredients: unflavored gelatin and milk.  You only have to use a little of the gelatin powder, so you could still use the ones left next time.  I think you could try to use less milk and gelatin as 1 tablespoon of both could be too much already. SAYANG.

Unfortunately, the gelatin that we had here was the flavored one, so I had to go to Lopue's (ROBINSON'S DOESN'T SELL KNOX) to buy my gelatin, as well as a small carton of milk (we ran out of milk as well).  Then I took an old makeup brush that I had.  I followed the instructions in the video and then painted the mixture on my nose. I have to say though, the mixture smells like rotten eggs, but what the heck!   Had to leave it on to dry, so I simply whipped out my Kindle and read for 15 minutes.  After that, when the strip was completely dry, I peeled it off.  And, VOILA!! Everything (I am not exaggerating) was out! Not even my former charcoal strips worked as well as Michelle's mixture!  The painting process make it possible for everything to stick onto the "strip", even those at the sides of the nose!  Amaaaazing! :D

Verdict: A MUST TRY! :)

I always have that nagging feeling that I will always be stuck being the "friend" and nothing but. I know deep in my heart that God has plans, but I can't help but wonder.  Orayt, hopeless romantic me is here to keep me company tonight.

<3

The yummy Marks & Spencer Dark Chocolate Digestive Biscuits!

Last week, I saw my dad carrying something red, and I immediately seized it.  I asked him what it was, and he answered that it came from my sister (who works in the hotel).  Looking down at the package, the name itself made my mouth water. MARKS & SPENCER DARK CHOCOLATE DIGESTIVE BISCUITS.

I opened the pack after 2 days, and I was very surprised with the taste.  The chocolate's dark taste and the biscuit's semi-sweet taste really go together.  I had to stop myself from eating too much!  Makes me wish I was in Manila, because Rustan's sells them.

I've always liked digestive biscuits.  I never bothered looking up why they were called "digestive" biscuits, because I liked them, enough said.  But once I did my research, I found out that these oh-so-yummy biscuits could be quite the deceivers.

Digestive biscuits, otherwise known as sweet meal biscuits, are semi-sweet biscuits that are popular in various countries.  They are called "digestives" because people believe that the biscuits contain antacid properties.  Many people presumed that when people eat this kind of business when they have upset stomachs, their stomachs immediately settle down.

The biscuit's taste is also very distinct, not like the crackers and other biscuits that can be found on the shelves in the supermarkets.  The typical digestive biscuit contains coarse brown wheat flour, which is responsible for that crumbly taste and texture.  These biscuits are perfect with tea or coffee.  Many people even "dunk" their biscuits into their tea or coffee and eat them quickly because they disintegrate right away (hmmm... does Oreo and milk ring a bell?)

Dieters should also keep their eye on the number of biscuits that they eat because, surprisingly, these "healthy" biscuits contain a lot of sugar!  And when they come with a chocolate top, they become even deadlier.


The bottom line is:

I have to watch out with these goodies.  They are really good, and it's so easy to eat everything in one sitting! But then, knowing what I'll be putting my body into jeopardy by finishing the whole pack, it somehow keeps my appetite at bay.

I'd definitely give these biscuits a grade of, from the scale of 1-10, a 9!  I really wanted to make it a 10, but with the deceit thing, about being good for digestion and all, gives it a minus point.

Nobody's good enough, that's why we all need Jesus... - Joel Houston (June 2, 2011) 

      Last June 2, 2011, I was privileged enough to be part of the Hillsong United Aftermath Concert held at the Araneta Coliseum.  God does wondrous things and the Spirit was definitely there.  That was one of the most blessed nights I've ever had and I don't regret going.  


     We started lining up outside the Big Dome around 2:30pm, the people weren't that many yet, so we were able to line up pretty near the entrance.  Around 6:00, the gates started to open, and after the hustle and bustle of lining up, with the unavoidable "singits" and whatevers, we were able to go inside the coliseum and got great seats! 




     When the first strains of the song "Go (Giving It All Away)" were heard, the crowd went crazy!  I couldn't contain my excitement!  Manang Diane, Manong Friday, Karmela and I were shouting already.  As Manang Diane said, "This is so surreal."  Surreal in way that we got used to watching their videos online, but were watching and worshipping together with them, LIVE!


     When Joel Houston and the others started talking, I couldn't help but cling on to their words that were filled with hope.  It is true that we don't need to fill a coliseum, an Australian worship band, and that number of people to worship Jesus.  I couldn't count the number of times when I cried during the worship night.  


Here's a video of Joel Houston explaining the Aftermath...

This whole night is called Aftermath, and we usually hear that word after an event, there's devastation... The truth is tonight, if it wasn't for Jesus, we'd all be caught in the aftermath of our failure.. we'd all be caught in the wreckage of our own lives.. our own mistakes..Because of Jesus, because of what He did on the cross, we get to live in a different kind of Aftermath... When He died on that cross, He took what was a symbol of failure, a symbol of shame, a symbol of death and He turned everything upside down.. And now that same cross stands for all time, for all mankind, for everyone, as the greatest symbol of hope, the greatest symbol of freedom,  the greatest symbol of life. 

I had goosebumps all the way.  I couldn't stop the tears from flowing as I saw the whole Araneta worshipping, with arms raised, with eyes closed, a position of total surrender.  There was no sign of disagreement as we focused on the greatest star of the concert: JESUS.   I share the same sentiments with thousands of other people who attended that worship night. 


The whole experience was overwhelming, like being filled to the brim with God's grace and blessings, filled with His love.  The dawning that I am a better person because of Him.  There is nothing on this earth that could replace the love and the compassion that the Lord has bestowed on us and there is nothing that can break that love.  


      

     

TODAY IS NOT MY DAY.

I woke up this morning thinking that I could finish all of my articles.  I could have never been more wrong.

The day started normally, with me waking up 2 hours after I set my alarm to go off.  I worked on a couple of articles for my American boss, and a couple for my Philippine-based job.  Around noon, it started to rain, but I thought, "Hey, it's raining, but that's okay."  After a loud clap of thunder, the fan beside me went dead.  And that was when everything started to go downhill.

The lights went back after 5 minutes and we were able to eat lunch without having to break out into a sweat.  I went back to my articles then the lights went out AGAIN after a few minutes.  I was starting to get annoyed, so I whipped out my old notebook for the teachings in BLD and rewrote where I left off.  The lights went back on, then I started on my articles again.  I transferred from the living room to my room, then, guess what? THE LIGHTS WENT OUT AGAIN.  Comet, my netbook, had a broken battery, so the power only lasted for 3 minutes after the lights went out.  My patience was wearing thin, so I decided to take a nap until the lights went back on again.  To my aghast, the electricity wasn't back yet when I woke up at 4PM.  Enraged and highly annoyed, I had 2 deadlines to meet, so I hurriedly took a bath and traveled to Bacolod to work.

Upon arrival at Starbucks, I saw that almost every seat was taken, plus the plugs were all taken.  Luckily for me, while waiting and ranting to somebody on the phone, somebody finished up and I was able to take his place.  I was feeling better already.  I started to work on my articles, and when I opened my files, I saw that one wasn't saved.  I tried retrieving it, but to no avail.  I didn't mind that much because I was only able to make 1 paragraph.  A few minutes later, I noticed that I couldn't log on to the internet.  I waited for a few minutes and tried refreshing and restarting Comet, PERO WALAAAAA. I had to travel all the way to Bacolod for what??? I went on a wild goose chase for nothing.  I did not make it to my 2 deadlines. KILL.ME.NOW.

Bacolod could sometimes be soooo frustrating. Walang ganito, walang ganyan. Rawr.

Well, I've been living in the next city (Talisay) for almost a decade, so I can't really say I reside in Bacolod although I spend most of my hours there (school, work, lakwacha, you name it! :D).

There have been on and off blackouts both in Talisay and Bacolod for the past few days, and I must say, that IT'S ANNOYING ALREADY. With an online job like mine, blackouts are a complete no-no.  To top it all off, Comet, my netbook, has a busted battery, which makes her an invalid when there is no electricity.  So, yeah, plugged to an outlet forever until I buy a new battery or get a new lappie (hello to my Ate Anne and my Kuya Eson!!!).

Talisay, sadly, does not have any coffee shops to boast of that have generators AND free wifi.  So yes, my city is more frustrating. :D

I've been packing my things to tag them along to a journey to find an internet haven.  Sadly, not many establishments open at 7:30AM that offer what I'm looking for.  Most have electricity but no WIFI. And finally, the only coffee shop that has saved my life for the past days is: STARBUCKS.  I cannot express my gratitude to my favorite hotspot.  Comfortable, but a tad too noisy whenever people flock during peak hours.  Oh well, go figure. :)

So  yes, I do work at Starbucks.  But not behind the bar.  :)

Starbucks, Bacolod branch.. The only one we have. Thank you to Experience Negros for the picture. :)

I sincerely regret downing a Venti-sized Extra Coffee Caramel Frappe at Starbucks around 10PM.  It's already 3AM and I still can't sleep.  As for the calorie content, I tried not to think about it, since I would only feel worse. :)


Rawr! Feels like my brain's all abuzz about something.  So, to put it into good use, I'll just continue writing articles. So, write away Speed RAcer! 

Our Easter Sunday was greatly altered as we were greeted by the news:

Zendy Jacildo, a high school friend, was shot to death last April 23 in New York.

It is appalling that such a thing happened to her.  Murdered a few steps away from the house.  Unable to scream for help anymore.  These thoughts continue to circle  my head, and it has kept me awake and disturbed.  I could only pray that the pain didn't last long.  When you think things like this only happen in the movies, one blows up right in your face.

It's just horrible to know that somebody could be taken away so abruptly.  Zendy was a good friend. We were not close during our high school days, but she was one of those people who never failed to greet you in the hallway with a vivacious smile.  During the times when we would hang out with other batchmates, she would never fail to elicit some laughs from us when she did her antics.  Another thing that I cannot forget is her husky voice.  I always liked watching her dance, somewhat like the Energizer bunny, all bubbly and vibrant.

Yesterday afternoon, our batchmates met at Cafe Bob's to plan out some things.  The situation itself was bittersweet.  The atmosphere was very surreal, somewhat like waking up underwater.  It was bittersweet because we got to meet up again, but at the expense of Zendy's life.  I still cannot fathom why it had to happen.  God has His reasons, and I know that in due time, He will reveal the reasons why He had to take her away. Her death still seems so unreal though, but we still grieve.

I know that you're in a better place Zends.  We might have lost you here on earth, but we've certainly gained an angel in heaven.  God, thank You for giving us Zendy.  Thank You for the time You granted us to be with her.  I offer my condolences most especially to Zendy's family and friends.  We shall miss you Zendy.  We love you.

Zends, I don't have any picture of you, so I just copied this off your FB. This is probably how I will always remember you, all smiles, beautiful, and vibrant. You're in God's hands now. :)

For the first time since my resignation, I went back to my old working place: Vision English Learning Center.  Funny how everything seemed the same, yet so different.  For one, I wasn't a teacher any longer.  As a matter of fact, one of my ex-colleagues talked to me in passing while I stared at her while holding back my laugh.  She suddenly stopped and stared at me, shocked. Hahaha! :)


Everything was the same, Teachers David and Maria in their respective group class rooms.  The myriad of voices and murmurs from the cubicles. A laugh here, a shout there. The same old whirring of the fans and the air conditioners. It got me thinking, "I was once part of this".  But now, it's different.  A sense of nostalgia passed through me as I watched some of the students who were my students before.  Some have become good friends.  And of course, I will never forget my dear co-teachers who were very good "Ates" to me.

Yes, Ruby *shudder*.. Or else, be Aiza (2)!

Out of curiosity, I went inside while
everybody was still having class.  I sneaked in (with permission from the secretary) and checked if my former room was occupied.

My little room... Stripped  bare... Well, almost :)

I don't know why but a sense of relief came over me when I saw it wasn't occupied yet.  I stealthily (hahaha) went out and resumed waiting for my former boss.






Most of the people were very suprised that I was back in Vision.  Some students even asked when I will teach again. I only went there to get my last salary.

All my bags are packed.. I'm ready to go...

So, everything today was from a visitor's point of view.  The same old feeling, the same environment, but then, things have changed ever since I stepped out for the last time as a teacher.

The hallway. A view from my room.

The pictures posted were taken on April 8, my official last day in Vision.  I couldn't bring myself to take pictures with everybody.  I hate goodbyes and this was one chapter I had to bring myself to before I could go on with my life.  Life in Vision was good, but I know there's something out there for me, something that God has planned beforehand.  I can feel it :)




So, Big Guy, where am I headed next? :)

3 days since I started my home-based article writing stint full time and I'm running out of ideas.  Major *gulp and panic* mode. It freaks me out when I sit in front of my netbook and nothing seems to come out.  No clickety-clack of the keys as I type away.  Nada. 


LORD, I NEED A GOOD DOSE OF INSPIRATION.  Help!

13 working days to go and I'll be saying "Hasta La Vista" to the place I considered as my second home for one year and 6 months.  

Shhh... It's a secret.

Scorpio is a water sign and is regarded as jealous, possessive, vindictive, stubborn, resentful, tyrannical, vengeful, temperamental, violent, sarcastic, suspicious, intolerant, courageous, intuitive, efficient, ambitious, motivated, penetrating, executive, determined, scientific, investigative, passionate and aware.

Read more: http://articles.famouswhy.com/why_is_scorpio_a_famous_zodiac_sign_/#ixzz1H9J5eohT

Another crashing reality that we are all growing up is when the people who have been our mentors are leaving us to be our own mentors.

• The Cebu field trip

"Asus, history-history! Ba't di na lang kasi sabihing because of the Sacred Heart boys!" (this isn't the exact reply she said, but the gist is the same)

 She laughed after saying that, and we all followed.  And guess what? She approved of our trip!